Relationship and Family Issues
Victoria Counselling For Relationship and Family Issues
Understanding Relationship and Family Issues
Welcome…
Thank you for being here. If you are reading these words you might be struggling with how to navigate confusing and painful relationships with family members.
Experiencing conflict and relationship issues with family and loved ones can feel incredibly burdensome and lonely. I know that you long to be seen, accepted, and understood by your family even when those relationships might be strained or even harmful.
There can be an immense grief in realizing your family may never give you what you needed or hoped for.
How Counselling Can Help
Therapy can offer a safe space for greater understanding of the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Factors like intergenerational trauma, unprocessed grief in family systems and unresolved hurt and pain can make families and relationships incredibly complex.
One of the most painful things about being part of a family system that has poor communication, patterns of manipulation, or emotional withdrawal is the chronic feelings of shame, abandonment and overwhelming sadness that you might experience.
Counselling can help you make sense of these painful patterns, identify and feel your natural emotions (that might include anger, sadness and grief) and begin to tap into your inner resilience and wisdom.
Coping Strategies
Therapy can offer a space to explore how your family dynamics have shaped your sense of self and your relationships, while also helping you understand your own boundaries, and communicate those boundaries with care. Learning how to self-regulate and care for the younger parts of yourself who carry old conditioning and wounding can bring ease, kindness and understanding to your life.
Feeling Emotions (in the moment), Recognizing Unmet Needs and Setting Boundaries
If you have grown up in a toxic or emotionally immature family you might struggle with knowing and feeling your emotions. As well, you might have a hard time understanding that you had emotional or physical needs that were not met in your family system.
In our work together you will learn how to pause and get in touch with your emotions, as well as gain support in identifying your relationship needs, for example safety, trust, clear communication. When you can name and get in touch with your emotions (in the body), you gain the power to be able to discern what your needs are. This is a transformative step towards understanding what your own boundaries are in relationships and how to communicate them with mindfulness and care.
Compassion for Your Inner Child
Compassion for yourself starts with developing a deeper understanding of how the inner child in you might still hold the weight of the pain and sadness that you experienced in your family system. There can be immense relief in recognizing that parts of you still carry feelings of abandonment, shame, or fear, and that these parts of you could be blended with old safety strategies you once relied on to feel cared for, valued, and safe.
Learning how to have compassion for your inner child can be a revelatory experience of coming home to yourself. Relationship with your inner child parts can be a radical remembering that you are already worthy of unconditional love and acceptance, just as you are.
Centre your Attention in Your Body + Learn how to Self-Regulate
In order to be able to respond kindly and mindfully to the pains of loss, estrangement and hurt we need to be able to occupy the vehicle of our experience, which is in the body. The body is always in the present moment, responding to the environment from which the body resides. Your body is never in the past, or in the future, but always here in the present moment. When you can learn how to centre your attention at home in the body then you can be here and now and choose to deal with life as it is, and as you are.
In our work together I can support you in reclaiming a relationship with your body, and learnings skills and tools to regulate your nervous system. With time and effort you might be able to find islands of safety and regulation in the body so that you can find your connection to the ground, the earth and the world around you.
Seek Out Community and Live a Values based Life
Living within a family where you were always in fight/flight, freeze, or fawn can be exhausting. These survival states can disconnect you from your own innate aliveness and your sense of connection to yourself and others. If you grew up in a toxic family system, your choices may have been shaped by survival rather than from a place of curiosity and interest.
Living your values means choosing to act in ways that reflect what truly matters to you, whether that's honesty, creativity, compassion, or justice. For those healing from toxic or emotionally immature family systems, this can be a profound way to reclaim your autonomy and sense of identity. Seeking out a supportive community aligned with your values reinforces your sense of belonging and reminds you that the pain you experienced is not yours alone to bare. Healthy community can offer the connection, validation, and care you may not have received in your family of origin. Living your values and building intentional relationships can help you create a life that feels both meaningful and safe.
Discover How Counselling For Relationship and Family Issues Can Help
If you’re experiencing painful and confusing experiences with your family or loved ones — contact me today to book a complimentary 20 minute consultation session. I would love to be able to hear your story, and support you on your journey towards greater understanding and self compassion.