This is where we begin.

Welcome to my first ever blog post! Here, I want to take some time to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about what brings me here, as well and some of my thoughts and feelings about different topics that I am passionate about.

To begin, I want to acknowledge who I am in relationship to the land that I live on. My name is Andrea and I am a white, heterosexual, cis gender woman who uses she/her pronouns with English, Irish, Greek and German ancestry. I am a daughter, a partner, sister, a cousin, and a friend.

Something I want to be consistently curious about—and keep reminding myself of—is that my being here, on this land I call home, is because of colonialism and imperialism (more on this later). It's been an ongoing process of reflection to recognize that many Indigenous communities lived here for thousands of years before my lineage ever arrived. That is pretty amazing to think about!

What feels most important to name at this time is how the First Nations peoples of Turtle Island (now called Canada) lived in a way that honours the relationship and reciprocity with the land, and with all of nature. This is a reflection and practice that I would like to continue being curious about. What does this mean for me to have a relationship with the trees? With the grasses? With the butterflies? And how does the history of colonization and my being here inform this relationship building? These are questions I will continue to ponder and hopefully explore here, with you.

With that being said, another intention of this writing is to really practice speaking authentically from my own voice so that you can hear more of who I am and what is meaningful to me. Which means I would like to bring awareness to the part of me that is exacting and perfectionistic and gently, slowly, softening the hard edge of that voice that wants me to appear that I’ve got it all together.

So, with this in mind you might notice spelling mistakes or improper grammar or run on sentences, and while it will be a challenge for me to resist the urge to polish every sentence (!!) I am going to try my best to speak here from my heart.

So, in many ways, this is an opportunity to share some insights and also practice being an imperfect human being. Which is what I hope for you, that you can make space for yourself, just as you are (which is actually a radical way we can decolonize our own hearts and minds towards more compassion and unconditional acceptance!).

I will share my journey (over many years) in learning how to be kinder, more gentle and compassionate towards myself. As well, how I found the path of mindfulness meditation and self-compassion, and how my meditation practice has shaped my life.

I remember at an early age (early 20’s) freshly green in the social work field and just beginning to understand how systems of power uphold white supremacy, sexism, and oppression—how these powers marginalize, control, and disadvantage individuals, and families. And I remember feeling completely lit up with a fierce commitment and a deep sense of belonging knowing that social work had found me. And how grateful I was to be found, and to feel a sense of belonging to a profession that works to share truth and justice. What a gift!

Over time, that recognition has been sobered by learning about the ways social work has also perpetuated inappropriate use of power and inflicted harm—especially in the ongoing colonization of Indigenous peoples. The institution of social work has historically contributed towards the degradation of culture, language and freedom of Indigenous peoples. Even now, child welfare systems hold disproportionate power over marginalized families, although I am hopeful this is slowly changing.

That being said, I am grateful that my learning in the social work field has allowed me to hold a broader, more inclusive world view that centres justice and accountability. I credit my learning journey within social work to my strong value of social responsibility and the willingness to hold uncomfortable truths and take accountability for those truths in my work and also in all of my relationships.

My social work career has been peppered with positive learning experiences and also harrowing, and impossibly hopeless experiences. It’s hard not to collapse into futility working against the cold truth of how utterly broken our system is, and how over and over again we (the powers that be) fail those who desperately need all of us to wake up.

My eventual collapse into futility lead to a gradual, slow burn out. Since 2014 I have found myself on a spiritual path where I landed in Australia for a few years and was guided to deepen my understanding of LIFE, and death. More on this later…

And then in 2017 I found mindfulness. A practice and way of being that has quite simply changed my life. I learned how to meditate, and how to sit with myself in stillness, toning and flexing the muscle of my attention to listen and feel my breath, be with my physical pain, and open up to the world around me. I found a path that I have remained faithful to, and a practice I hope to share more with you—along with some of the gifts it’s brought into my life.

A default mode I had occupied in my early years was slightly grumpy, rightfully pessimistic and generally a little sad. This being due to a complex family system that couldn’t always give me the emotional nurturance I needed, and now recognized (thank you therapy!) as a very resilient part of me that protects myself from feeling vulnerable and afraid.

It has been a journey in learning how to listen to the voice of that grumpy, pessimistic sad little one and practice really listening to her pain, and learning how to respond to myself (my parts) in a way that allows for more clarity and compassion.

In another post I will share more of my understanding of parts work (Internal Family Systems) and how it has helped me get in touch with a voice of inner kindness that I forgot existed.

All of this to say, I am glad you are here.

The inspiration for these musings is twofold. 1) to practice for myself writing and flexing a creative muscle that over the years has been buried beneath doing and surviving.

And 2) to share insights, ideas and inspirations with you, so that it might be of service to you on your journey of healing and caring for yourself.

Topics I plan to explore include mindfulness, self-compassion, understanding more about inner child parts and reclaiming our true nature. I would like to explore topics like grief and death, as well as stress and burnout and also complexity in family relationships.

As well, bringing curiosity to how big institutional powers like capitalism, patriarchy and white supremacy impact us from the inside out. And how reconnecting to our wildness through nature can be a pathway back to ourselves in ways we can only imagine.

My hope is that these reflections offer you some reminders that you are not alone in this complex and strange world of being human in the 21st century.

I know many of you are navigating the depths of burnout, trying to be kinder to yourself and living with grief and longing for more connection. We are in good company here.

I’d like to share this beautiful poem that a mentor and teacher friend shared with me recently. I think it speaks beautifully to the spirit of the insights I hope to share here:

When in the middle of the night you wake with the certainty you’ve done it all wrong. 

When you wake and see clearly all the places you’ve failed. 

In that moment when dreams will not return. 

This is the chance for your most gentle voice, 

the one you reserve for those you love most, to say to you quietly, oh, sweetheart, this is not yet the end of the story. 

Sleep will not come. 

But somehow, in that wide awake moment, there is peace. 

The kind that does not need everything to be right before it arrives. 

The kind that comes from not fighting what is real. 

The peace that rises in the dark on its sure dark wings and flies true, 

with no moon, no stars.

- Rosemary Wathola Trommer

Thank you for reading.

I wish you all happiness, safety, health and ease.

Andrea